How to Combat Self Doubt as a Teacher
9/3/2016
I have had some interesting events rise up in my personal life this week. I don't know if this has happened to you, but when this type of week rolls in, it feels like a rushing wave of water at high tide, catching me sitting too close to the water's edge. I feel like I'm drowning. In my mind, I can hear the beach's lifeguard blowing his whistle and yelling at me in desperate tones, "You are too far from shore!" when all along, I've been sitting at the edge of the sand…I wait for the lifeguard to toss me the rope, but it just doesn't seem to come.
Sometimes I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel offended by the actions of others when I shouldn't. Sometimes I take things too personally or too close to heart for no apparent reason. Sometimes working around kids with special needs makes me wonder if I'm the right person to serve their very important little lives. Sometimes I wonder if my mounting student loan debt-for a third degree-is the right thing to do. Sometimes I wonder if my attendance at one more meeting really matters. Sometimes I wonder why life has given me this very big responsibility.
And then I recognize what is crowding out my rational mind: self-doubt.
Self-doubt is a beast that can cripple even the strongest and most competent and capable of people. It can wrench away abilities and render people to life behind closed doors, alone in their homes, no longer willing to take the daily risks necessary to keep the world moving forward. It can cause people who were once excited to take on a challenge to no longer be able to even think about what might need to be involved in more than, maybe, making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Why?
I believe there can be a plethora of reasons. These reasons could all be completely unrelated to your occupation's role. It could be negative self-talk. It could be the piling up of "stuff" that is placed on the footpath of our lives. It could be verbal beat-downs that people give to others just to be mean-spirited. It could be rooted in a latent memory which surfaced after 30 years. It could be just another proverbial ball which life has lobbed at you. It could be boredom. It could be…it could be…it could be…
Facing this obstacle is a reality for everyone. If any person tells you differently, they're lying or have lived in a yurt, far, far away from the human race for a very, very long time and have forgotten that of which the voices in the deep, dark recesses of our minds can convince us. They have forgotten that when little people depend on you to guide them toward a better, brighter, happier future, there is a unique and humongous responsibility resting on your shoulders.
Self-doubt for a teacher, ANY teacher, can be a career-ender if it is allowed to fester.
What do we DO? How to we untangle ourselves from the snare in which this trap has placed us?
We can spend a lot of time "wallering" in the thought that we spent a lot of time, hard work, money, and energy to get where we are today-to be the leaders of our merry band of babies who look to us every single day in hopes of learning new, more, better.
We could spend hours in therapy sorting through the "why".
We can read the research which tells us we will probably feel overwhelmed and overtired.
We can talk to our friends and colleagues who have been there, done that.
We can pack up our room and decide to work a retail job.
We can…we can…we can…
OR
We decide.
We decide to sift through the items on the list of reasons WHY we're feeling so doubtful.
We decide to disaggregate the list of stuff life has tossed our way.
We decide that THIS moment of THIS day will be a great moment, and then we decide that the next half hour will be great. Then we decide the next two hours will be great, and then we decide that this week will be great…and then we realize that yes, life is chock full of difficulty, but if we stare it down and stare it down HARD, we will overcome this period of self doubt.
What we don't learn from our college career counselors is that our role as teachers is demanding. If it's done right, it is demanding physically, mentally, emotionally. It is demanding on our families. It is demanding on our wallets. It is demanding of our time. But if we are answering our true calling, these demands are what we are meant to meet.
There is an old adage that says we will never be given more than we can handle. Horse hooey! I can attest, especially this week, that we ARE given more than we can handle. The trick is having a support system in place to be able to handle it with others alongside you. Without being too mushy about it, if you don't have that kind of love in your life, it's going to be tough.
A friend of mine shared with me this week that in her school, a trusted friend shared with her that another colleague, new to the building, was talking about quitting. When my friend asked her why she was feeling this way, the new person shared how she didn't have a best "at-work" friend in the new building, how lonely she was, and how discouraged she felt. As a single mother with no family in the community in which she lives/works, there was no one with whom she could feel safe talking to about the events of her day. My wise friend told her how she, too, had experienced the "new school blues" and that she would love to be the person to be the new teacher's at-work bestie. Because my wise friend shared some very real stories of her own new-to-the-building, new-to-the-profession, holy-smokes-I'm-not-sure-I-can-do-this-anymore stories, a friendship was allowed to grow roots and begin to develop. Having a friend at work, in whom you can have a mutually trusting relationship, really does matter.
A Gallup Business Journal report (http://www.gallup.com/businessjournal/511/Item-10-Best-Friend-Work.aspx) noted the following statistics in affirmation of that statement:
- 43% more likely to receive praise or recognition
- 37% more likely to report coworker encouragement to their development
- 27% more likely to feel like their work matters
- People with positive at-work relationships have higher levels of stress management
Thinking through the week, knowing I need to wrangle the obstacle present in my brain, I've decided to recognize a few things…
- I am not the only one who is facing this challenge, but I am the only one who can stare it down and make it submit to MY will. I've got this-it doesn't have me!
- Often I face self-doubt just before something really great is about to happen. I think it's the world's way of seeing if I'm ready for something bigger and better-a test, if you will. I'm ready!!
- My life is full of wonderful friends. They are more than willing to listen to me and help me vet out what really matters from what is just noisy static.
- I am in the middle of moving homes. Finding something else on which to focus will be easy! I need to get out of my head.
- I know I am good at what I do. It is my calling. Having kept in touch with many previous students reminds me that when we do what we're intended to do, these brief periods of self-doubt ultimately cannot stand in our way. We ARE contributing to the greater good in a way that matters. THAT feels AMAZING!
Taking stock of the fact that people get ill, moving homes is part of life, I'll be on committees requiring effort, taking graduate classes while working full time is hard, dishes pile up in the sink, car payments need to be made, visiting family won't happen as much as I would like, and all the other obligations I have needing to be met will always be in place.
I have to look at life as if I were in an air balloon, floating high above it all. From the ground, it seems like too much. Hovering high above it all, however, I can see how my life and all that I am called and tasked to do fits into the greater plan like one farmer's fields adjoining another's.
From the bigger perspective, it's beautiful and it matters.
Self-doubt. Whatever! I've got this.
- Dear Novice Teacher:An Open Letter About What You Really Need To Know For a Successful Teaching Career - November 9, 2021
- I Never Forgot What It Felt Like to Struggle in School… So I Decided to Become the Teacher I Always Wished I Had - October 8, 2021
- The Issue of Bullying Students with Disabilities Hits Particularly Close to Home for Me - August 16, 2021
